If you have run into a rough spot in your relationship, you don’t have to give up right away. Professionals trained in couples and family counseling can help you adjust, communicate better, and get back to the passion you once had. But how do you know when it is time to look for a Calgary couples counselor? You can look for a few clear signs, which are detailed further in the text below.
Unspoken Hostility
Sometimes, one or both parties might sense that something is wrong but are unable to exactly put their fingers on the problem. In this case, a sense of general negativity or hostility pervades a relationship. Do you feel constantly on edge when your partner is around? Do little things that don’t seem wrong on the surface set off arguments? If so, then you might need couples counselling in Calgary.
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One of the essential purposes of good relationship counselling is to open up lines of communication that have closed off, and working with a third party might be able to help you pinpoint exactly where the problem lies. Identifying the source of the issue can allow you and your partner to work toward a solution.
Mistrust
Do you feel like you trust your partner when you’re not around? Are you paranoid that there is an affair going on, or do you check finances regularly to make sure that everything syncs up with your expectations? A couple needs to be able to trust one another for a relationship to function. If you find yourself doubting your partner’s word or expecting them to do something untoward when you’re not looking, that means the trust has been broken. Maybe the damage is irrevocable, or maybe the relationship can be salvaged by clearing the air. Either way, Calgary marriage counselling can help you evaluate the situation and take the steps you need to perform in order to solve the problem.
An Inability to Talk
The most common reason that people seek out family counselling in Calgary is that they have stopped being able to communicate with their partner. Maybe evenings alone are filled with long periods of silence. Maybe nonverbal communication, such as touches on the shoulder or eye contact, is suddenly lacking. A lack of communication creates a wider emotional distance between a couple that is experiencing problems. A family counsellor will take the time to evaluate the situation, get you to talk about it, and hopefully pin down the reasons why the communication has suddenly ended. This allows you to move forward and begin a happier, healthier phase of your relationship.
Constant Comparing
One of the worst things you could do is compare your partner to someone else. Remember that everyone is different. Although a friend’s partner has qualities that you admire, they may think otherwise. Constantly comparing them would cause unwelcome hostility. A lot of the time, you may be comparing them due to unrealistic expectations. A counsellor would help you realize how toxic the behavior is. You’d be able to appreciate your significant other for who they are. If your partner does have some traits that you’re not fond of, counselling would help you communicate this better in a non-confrontational way.
Lies & Secrets
Do you tell your partner that they don’t have any grey hairs, when there are? White lies are okay – major lies are not. Constantly having to keep secrets means that you don’t trust your significant other. Imagine how they’d feel when they find out that you’ve been keeping things from them.
If you know your partner is keeping secrets, not only will you lose their trust them, but this could lead to something more serious. They may be doing something that they shouldn’t.
A counsellor would help you figure out why your partner is keeping things from you, as well as a look at the situation in an objective way. Your partner may have lying about their finances, but the counsellor would help you see that your partner was only doing it to shield you.
There’s No Passion
Your significant other and you may be on good terms. However, maybe things are just not how they used to be in bed. This may not seem as big of a problem as constantly fighting or lying, but a lack of passion could lead to infidelity. A counselor could help you reignite a spark in your relationship. More importantly, they would get down to why the passion died. This would help you find some ways to rediscover what you found attractive about your spouse or partner.
A lot of people open their relationships to get the spark going. Without the help of a professional, jealousy and insecurities could creep in. You’ll need a counsellor to not only guide you through this, but also to decide whether it’s the right choice or not.
Infidelity
Infidelity is hard to get over, no matter how strong you think your relationship is. If you don’t discuss what happened, mistrust and paranoia would take over. A therapist is trained to get answers out of you. Maybe you may have repressed thoughts or feelings about what your partner did. Counseling would also help you speak about your partner’s cheating in a calmer environment. If the two of you discuss it alone, the situation could get hostile.
Do you have a desire to cheat? There are many reasons why thoughts of infidelity may have crossed your mind. Discuss this with the counsellor, and get to the root of things before you do something that would ruin your relationship.
The primary purpose of couples counselling is to evaluate problems in a relationship, clear the air, and reestablish broken lines of communication. If you feel a tension in the air, a send of mistrust or hostility, or simply feel like you and your partner don’t talk anymore, you should consider counselling. The right professional can help you solve the problem before your relationship hits a point where it is no longer sustainable.